I Am A Cold and Bitter Cup Of Coffee

I sit in my cramped 3/4 bedroom on my cozy 3/4 bed. The perched roof and my pile of unfinished homework are beginning to cave in on me. No worries though, my room is my sanctuary. From what, I don't know. There is nothing for me to fear outside my bedroom door. I live in a beautiful stucco house in south Minneapolis with The Werners, one of the nicest families I've ever met. They are in fact so nice that they offer to let me live here, eat all of their food, and ask for nothing in return. Yet I hide from them? No. I am not afraid of them. I only fear that I am not becoming myself. I do not live as an individual. I live as part of a family. A family that I do not belong to. This is what terrifies me.

I'm living here so that I can attend college. It is nearly the end of my first semester at MCTC. I am doing fine in all my classes. As far as I'm aware I have only A's in all my classes. I'm not sure how it happened. But it may have something with my complete and utter lack of anything to do. Homework ends up being the few pleasures of my monotonous days. Yet I am sitting here assignment in hand, avoiding completing it, like a diver conserving his last breathes of air. If I finish this assignment I might not have anything to due. And that would be far worse than not having it done. So I sit and think of all the things I could do with all the extra time I have. Then time runs out, and the only thing I have finished is a list of things I should have done before I had no time.

Although I have little to do, I have a schedule. I have school.. Work.. And Bodily functions.

School is a community college.. A good one, but a community college none the less. I like all my teachers, my classes are fun, and it doesn't cost me much. Everything runs so smoothing I often forget I attend school. I thought it'd become my main focus but I'm afraid it has just become a place I go to four out of seven days.

Work is even more of a joke. It's a nice place (The Bad Waitress) and a decent job (Buss Boy). But few hours (10 per week).

Bodily Functions have become a main time passer for me. The decision of what to eat, whether to shower, and the depletion of coffee are serious issues for me on a daily basis.

I have become so bored that my character has began to dissolve as if an ice cube in hot coffee. It will stay afloat for now, but it will not last for ever. If I am not faced with problems how am I to triumph over them. If only I were less fortunate. Poor, scraping by for rent, nearly begging for food. Maybe I would build a sense of who I am (or I might just starve to death). In the future I can only hope I will become the Cold and Bitter Cup of Coffee that I have always inspired to be.