This is a note written to myself as to inform that I am indeed pathetic. If you are not me and you are reading this please do so it will help you feel better about yourself. You may have noticed that I am writing my life story on a stcky note (in which the the real world equivalent would be a post-it.) That is due to the shortness of the interesting parts of my existence. This may seem gloom to some, but it is not so. I have been conditioned to be meaningless. And as such have found it to be rather "enjoyable". (Some words from thus forward may be in quotes due to my warped view of reality. e.g.. staring at a white wall for hours on end might be considered "enjoyable".)
Now to write the second paragraph. The second paragraph is meant to describe one of the leading arguments of the thesis statement. And I believe that talking about what a second paragraph is meant to do I am indeed fulfilling it's purpose. So to get back to what I was talking about. A second paragraph is meant to tell the reader why he thinks he is undoubtedly right. In this case I am trying to prove that I am boring. Do you get the point of this paragraph?
Onto my "warped reality". I am "weird". But more importantly I am more "interesting" than you in every-way. (If you have forgotten I am writing this to "myself" and you are indeed a peeping tom.) I have "good looks"; at least it appears so in all the specially designed fun house mirror all around my house. I am also "smart". Not just tech-book "smart", but nonsense "smart". If you know anyone that is smarter than me you must not be me, so you really shouldn't be reading this seeing as it is not addressed to you. I have decided that I should finish this this paragraph saying that I am the nicest guy I know and if you don't agree I hope the plague kills your family and you are forced to live the rest of your days knowing that it was all because you chose to object to a crazy "man" claiming that he was nicest guy he knew.
You may be wandering why I am so pathetic if I am indeed great in so many ways. That's a good question. After all that is why you are still invading my privacy. So the least I could do would be answer you query. I have done nothing this summer. Not just your travel around the world meeting all kinds of new "people" nothing. But some really hard core nothing. e.g. " ". You may feel a small amount of pity for me or think that I'm "lame", but you seem to have "forgotten" I'm not "like you" I'm "crazy". I'm used to being bored. I bask in it. I have more time to appreciate the little things. Like sleeping in a "little longer". Forgetting to eat or bathe; Or remember that there really is an "outside". After all it's the little things that count, not friends, family, or "women". People need to take big chunks out of there life just to waste it. Skip a their birthday and just spend it in their room not getting out of bed. Or take all that time misspent eating and just look at it and put back in the fridge. After all if you actively participate in life you might just lose.
*Some, in fact most, statements may be false. Readers discretion advised.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Blue Maggots
You may be wondering why the title of this post is "Blue Maggots." Thinking that this post contained a putrid story about me pouring my daily bowl of Captain Crunch Berries at 8:00 in the morning, half awake, only to take a bite hoping for that surgery crunch only to feel the squirming of a half dozen maggots go down my throat. But that is not the case I do not wake up at eight, nor do I eat Captain Crunch. And as for the consumption of maggots I don't think you should meddle with my private life. This I will tell you. Altogether my summer has been rather uneventful. I have had my wisdom teeth taken out by a greedy dentist, no doubt taking them so he can place them under his pillow. My hair has been cut into a kickass/humiliating shape (I have grown to like it). And I have hung out with friends about as many times as I can count on one hand.
But out of all the things that have happened I've become most perplexed by a lava lamp. It's not how they work that confuses me; The lamp heats up the wax which causes it to rise through the oil were at the top it cools down and falls to the bottom. What confuses me is how they don't work. They never do. You turn it on expecting it to illuminate your room or at least a wall, but the light it produces is very minimal. That I can except. After all, even though it is a lamp, it is meant to entertain. This is were the thing bothers me.
When I turn it on it does nothing, the wax remains at the bottom. So I wait until the bulb heats the wax. But how long must I wait? A minute. Ten. A half hour? It ends up being a round an hour before anything begins to move at all, and when it does it's not in the friendly lava lamp kind of way. One of two things happens. Either a column of wax rises to the top creating a link between the top and the bottom making it so that most of the wax goes to the top via the column were it is than held up by it. Or after waiting for more than an hour all the wax spontaneously rises at once where it become wedged against the sides of the glass where it remains until I shake it.
Shaking it, although the most instinctive thing to do, is not a good idea. I causes small particles of wax to form inside the glass making it so that one cannot anything beyond the edges. Also it creates air bubbles inside the wax which ruins both appearance along with the way it falls and rises. Over time the bubbles will go away and it will once again become a blob lying on the bottom of the glass. After the that the stage is set for this viscous cycle to repeat itself. What I've noticed while stupidly using this defective lighting device during the summer in my un-airconditioned house is that you can always rely on it producing a lot of excess heat. This leads me to believe that the only practical function for this fad is a mini heater for the homeless during cold winters and rainy nights. It would also serve as a minor light supply and maybe even a cooking element with a little do-it-yourself rigging.
Don't misunderstand me it doesn't always fail to work. Every once in awhile when the planets line up perfectly (which happens slightly more often now because they wacked Pluto) it preforms an amazing display of what was "hip" and "groovy" in the seventies. And me and my two cats will sit staring in aw as bubbles of wax majestically float and sink to the bottom.
But out of all the things that have happened I've become most perplexed by a lava lamp. It's not how they work that confuses me; The lamp heats up the wax which causes it to rise through the oil were at the top it cools down and falls to the bottom. What confuses me is how they don't work. They never do. You turn it on expecting it to illuminate your room or at least a wall, but the light it produces is very minimal. That I can except. After all, even though it is a lamp, it is meant to entertain. This is were the thing bothers me.
When I turn it on it does nothing, the wax remains at the bottom. So I wait until the bulb heats the wax. But how long must I wait? A minute. Ten. A half hour? It ends up being a round an hour before anything begins to move at all, and when it does it's not in the friendly lava lamp kind of way. One of two things happens. Either a column of wax rises to the top creating a link between the top and the bottom making it so that most of the wax goes to the top via the column were it is than held up by it. Or after waiting for more than an hour all the wax spontaneously rises at once where it become wedged against the sides of the glass where it remains until I shake it.
Shaking it, although the most instinctive thing to do, is not a good idea. I causes small particles of wax to form inside the glass making it so that one cannot anything beyond the edges. Also it creates air bubbles inside the wax which ruins both appearance along with the way it falls and rises. Over time the bubbles will go away and it will once again become a blob lying on the bottom of the glass. After the that the stage is set for this viscous cycle to repeat itself. What I've noticed while stupidly using this defective lighting device during the summer in my un-airconditioned house is that you can always rely on it producing a lot of excess heat. This leads me to believe that the only practical function for this fad is a mini heater for the homeless during cold winters and rainy nights. It would also serve as a minor light supply and maybe even a cooking element with a little do-it-yourself rigging.
Don't misunderstand me it doesn't always fail to work. Every once in awhile when the planets line up perfectly (which happens slightly more often now because they wacked Pluto) it preforms an amazing display of what was "hip" and "groovy" in the seventies. And me and my two cats will sit staring in aw as bubbles of wax majestically float and sink to the bottom.
Monday, June 18, 2007
This Is What a New Post Looks Like
New post inform others on what one is actually doing. Otherwise you lonely bums will just end up rereading all my old post trying to figure out three things: Why I wrote them in the first place, If I don't do anything why don't I have time to write, and lastly why I continue to write like anyone is actually reading my post in the first place. But yet I'm still here bringing you all the information you'd never like to know only about yours truly.
First I want to tell you that I am no longer a cripple. Yes that's right my arm is now free to move as it is not suppressed by the communist which was my cast. I also am out of school, lucky me. It's been three weeks and I've not yet hung out with any friends. But that's because I'm pathetic. Gas is expensive and I do not have a job. Also my friends say I smell. So what have I been up to? Well wouldn't you like to know? Should I stop ending all my sentences with a question mark and just tell you? Ok. Not much. Eating on occasion, going on my computer, and the all interesting art of sleeping. If this is all so pathetic I have no reason to be telling you this. That's where you'd be wrong. If you have taken the time to read this you may be starting to feel better that's because you're not as lame as I am.
Although this post isn't very long I'd like to think we bonded a little. I'd continue to right more, but I'm afraid that pretty much sums up my summer. And unless I decide to do something soon this might be the only one for this excruciatingly hot season.
First I want to tell you that I am no longer a cripple. Yes that's right my arm is now free to move as it is not suppressed by the communist which was my cast. I also am out of school, lucky me. It's been three weeks and I've not yet hung out with any friends. But that's because I'm pathetic. Gas is expensive and I do not have a job. Also my friends say I smell. So what have I been up to? Well wouldn't you like to know? Should I stop ending all my sentences with a question mark and just tell you? Ok. Not much. Eating on occasion, going on my computer, and the all interesting art of sleeping. If this is all so pathetic I have no reason to be telling you this. That's where you'd be wrong. If you have taken the time to read this you may be starting to feel better that's because you're not as lame as I am.
Although this post isn't very long I'd like to think we bonded a little. I'd continue to right more, but I'm afraid that pretty much sums up my summer. And unless I decide to do something soon this might be the only one for this excruciatingly hot season.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
An Update on my Current Happenings
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Friday, May 04, 2007
My Left Arm is as Mobile as a Rock
Everyone (anyone who's as dumb as I) has their funny story about how they inconveniently happened to temporarily destroy one of their most prized position's. (a limb) It always starts off with "I know it was a bad idea but.." and then they follow up with reasons why it's not their fault that this misfortune was bis towed upon them. I will not declare that it was a cause other than myself that cause the small fracture of my wrist. Although I must tell you that I did what I did what I did to save another and maybe even the world.
It all started on a dreary afternoon, only a small amount of light broke through the imprisoning clouds that linger above me. I knew that today I was to be tested. My wit, speed, and endurance was all that could save me. Zombie kittens. Need I say more. (I do.)
Too bad I can't.
I'm typing with only one hand. Because my friend tackled me off the back of my car onto the "well padded" asphalt fracturing my left wrist. And forcing me to wear a purple-striped-glow-in-the-dark cast up to my elbow. Which I must wear for four weeks until I'm to get it taken off only to put a smaller one on for another four weeks. But for now I'm the coolest one-armed-zombie-kitten-fighting-machine.
I wish only that others do not suffer from the temporary out-of-orderness of limbs... I myself would give almost anything (except an arm and a leg) to have my arm back.
It all started on a dreary afternoon, only a small amount of light broke through the imprisoning clouds that linger above me. I knew that today I was to be tested. My wit, speed, and endurance was all that could save me. Zombie kittens. Need I say more. (I do.)
Too bad I can't.
I'm typing with only one hand. Because my friend tackled me off the back of my car onto the "well padded" asphalt fracturing my left wrist. And forcing me to wear a purple-striped-glow-in-the-dark cast up to my elbow. Which I must wear for four weeks until I'm to get it taken off only to put a smaller one on for another four weeks. But for now I'm the coolest one-armed-zombie-kitten-fighting-machine.
I wish only that others do not suffer from the temporary out-of-orderness of limbs... I myself would give almost anything (except an arm and a leg) to have my arm back.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Something I Felt Like Writting
Writing for fun is not something I like to do often. This is a rare event and you shouldn't take a single word fro granted. I normally write to sort thing out in my mind. An overwhelming amount of thoughts can lead me to bad decisions, so I jot down what I'm thinking. It helps a bit, but that is not why I am writing now.
I have to think of a topic. This is something that never comes up when you are writing about something that is on your mind, the topic is there now you just have to write it down. I could choose anything books I have read, things I have seen, a fictional story I'd like to tell, but I think I am going to talk about.. Something. A vague term that is embodies what ever you wish.
Words are you to convey what we think about the world around us. The word 'Book' for example means 'a written or printed work consisting of pages glued or sewn together along one side and bond in covers', but it also invokes feelings and memories. If you had reading problems as a child you might find the word to have frightening properties. The same word could bring joy if you read a lot when you were younger. This might seem obvious or contradictory to what a word is for. I believe it gives even more to each word, not only to ones self but to the social structure they interact with. Curses have taken on a universal offencive feeling. They completely bypass the original definition and only have an emotional impact.
It is also true that some word do not have a external definition. 'Nature' means has no definition yet it is commonly used in everyday speech. It is still a valid word because the imagery carries with it is widely excepted. This aspect of speech is taken advantage of in poetry, song lyrics, comedy, movies, books... Just look for it. Become aware and you might get more out of every word.
I have to think of a topic. This is something that never comes up when you are writing about something that is on your mind, the topic is there now you just have to write it down. I could choose anything books I have read, things I have seen, a fictional story I'd like to tell, but I think I am going to talk about.. Something. A vague term that is embodies what ever you wish.
Words are you to convey what we think about the world around us. The word 'Book' for example means 'a written or printed work consisting of pages glued or sewn together along one side and bond in covers', but it also invokes feelings and memories. If you had reading problems as a child you might find the word to have frightening properties. The same word could bring joy if you read a lot when you were younger. This might seem obvious or contradictory to what a word is for. I believe it gives even more to each word, not only to ones self but to the social structure they interact with. Curses have taken on a universal offencive feeling. They completely bypass the original definition and only have an emotional impact.
It is also true that some word do not have a external definition. 'Nature' means has no definition yet it is commonly used in everyday speech. It is still a valid word because the imagery carries with it is widely excepted. This aspect of speech is taken advantage of in poetry, song lyrics, comedy, movies, books... Just look for it. Become aware and you might get more out of every word.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Five Strikes
I know that some of you may be thinking that this may be a post about how I am a complete failure at picking up your so called 'chicks'. Or how I played baseball and somehow got five strikes. But that's dumb idea. I am both a babe-magnet and I've never gotten a strike hitting in baseball, I'm sort of a Babe Ruth. This is about the game with not only balls, but pins too. That's right. Bowling. I got five strikes. In bowling this is a good thing. They are worth not only ten points (one for each pin) but also the sum your current and next two frames. And not only did I get five, but they were back to back. So my first frame was worth 30 then another 30 and another then 20 then 10. A grand total of 120 after the first five frames. This all would have been rather amazing if I was good a bowling. But I'm not. I rarely break 100. Getting me a free pop and the praise of all my lesser bowlers. I choked on the 6th frame getting a 9 and sending me spiraling down into complete failer. I think my final score was a mere 174. Some people have told me that this experience has inflated my ego but I'm sure they are just jealous. After all not everyone can bowl well and they have to say things like it was good luck. I'd like to end this by saying that as a modest bowling-god that those that pray to me may obtain both 9 and spares. (Maybe even strikes.)
*some statement may be complete lies.
*some statement may be complete lies.
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